Hi there ladies and gentlemen! I know, I know, I’m supposed to be on vacation until September 1st (and I still am, really), but I got this new product and I just had to review it for you folks…
See, I’ve been out of the office (so to speak) because I was busy doing very important things, like, getting married. And in my wild adventures in marriage land, I see to have acquired a new sex-toy…
I’m calling it the…
- Gets me off almost every damn time!
- The “Husband” is almost guaranteed to get me off! And on demand too! All I have to do is flash my tits at it, and it’s ready to go! So convenient!
- Has many lovely moving parts.
- It has a “tongue” and “fingers” and even a realistic penis to pleasure me with!
- Is totally and 100% water-proof.
- In fact, it loves to pleasure me in the shower or the tub!
- It makes me food!
- Yes folks, you read that right! When this toy isn’t giving me the most amazing orgasms, it’s cooking me delicious dinners! Does it get better than that? I think not.
- Only seems to know how to cook pasta.
- And pasta-related dishes.
- It makes a mess!
- I think I already said this but wow! This toy sure does get messy while it’s getting me off!
- Sometimes it wants to get me off when I’m not really in the mood.
- This thing just can’t keep its “hands” off of me! What have I gotten myself into?