Hey there! 

If you’ve wandered over to this corner of the internet, you’re probably asking yourself “what the heck-fire is going on here?” you might also be wondering “why am I talking to myself?” but I really can’t help you with that one.

What I can tell you, is that my name is Septimus, and this is my blog! Welcome to it!

What you’ve stumbled upon is the blog where I post reviews of sex toys. That’s right sex toys! Otherwise known as: Marital aids, personal massagers, battery-operated-boyfriends… I know lots of other names for ’em, but they’re harder to pronounce. 

I’ve also started reviewing books and porn, and I hope to branch out more into those categories. 

I do try to post a review or two every month (as well as other odd things), but between my two day jobs, I’m not always able to make that goal.

I’ve also got a YouTube channel, where I post… uh, videos? Yeah. Those. Mostly teaser videos for upcoming reviews (which are also posted here on the blog), but occasionally other stuff as well.

Alright, what else do you want to know? I’m a Pisces, which probably tells you way more than you need to know. (“Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality“).

I love to read and write, I’m becoming something of a gym-rat and Lawrence of Arabia is one of my favorite movies of all time.

If you would like to contact me for any reason, I can be reached by e-mail at SeptimusReviews@gmail.com (I know, original right…). I’m also on twitter @SeptimusReviews & FaceBook, and you can always leave a comment here on the blog. All comments welcome. Just a warning, I tend to have strong opinions and I’m not afraid to use them. Wait, that sounded wrong. But you get the point, right? Right? C’mon people, I’m desperate here.