Readers, have you been thinking to yourself "I wonder when Septimus is going to get around to painting another Medieval-Style Illuminated Dildo Portrait™?" Well, wonder no longer, for the time has arrived! Yes, it's finally time to unveil the next victim, er volunteer who so kindly agreed to let me paint them for this increasingly… Continue reading Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 5
Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 4
Has this ever happened to you? You're browsing your Pinterest board full of medieval illuminations of people/figures and suddenly you see one that reminds you so much of one of your friends that you have to re-create it as them... No? Just me? Okay, to be fair, I do sort of make a habit of… Continue reading Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 4
Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 3
It is time to once again for us to travel back to the Middle Ages to study the fine art of manuscript illumination. Get out your pencils and notebooks class because today's lecture will be about... Okay, no, we're not going to do that. We're just gonna bastardize medieval illuminations and warp them to suite… Continue reading Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 3
Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 2
I completely neglected to post this back in December when I actually finished the illumination! Ack! *Bad Septimus!* Oops, oh well, better late than never, right? Right???Once I decided that it was in fact a good idea to draw up medieval style portraits of my sex toy reviewer friends, I had to decide who my… Continue reading Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 2
Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 1
Let me start at the beginning. I'm a member of the Society of Creative Anachronism, where we "reenact" the Middle Ages. We do all kinds of activities. Everything from sword fighting, to archery, fiber arts like spinning and weaving, sewing/costuming and of course calligraphy and illumination. I've done a few small illuminated pieces before, and… Continue reading Sex Toy Reviewer Medieval Illumination Series pt. 1
The Butters “Palm Grease”
Palm Grease: Has a great butt-feel!
The Monster Under the Bed
When I was 19 I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. When people asked why, I told them it was because I didn’t like the University I was attending, I wanted to save money by moving back home, and I wanted to get a job so I could start making… Continue reading The Monster Under the Bed
Svakom Amy
So, I think this is going to be an interesting review. Between when I received this vibe to review and now when I'm posting this, there's been a significant price change which colors my view of the toy itself. But maybe I should back up a bit and start at the beginning. A few months… Continue reading Svakom Amy
The 60 Bulet
I don’t have many bullets. Or like, any bullets. So when SXOhh reached out to me on instagram to ask if I’d be interested in trying their 60 Bullet, I jumped at the opportunity. Since I first started buying sex toys in college, I’ve wanted a small, discreet, portable vibrator. While I love the vibrators… Continue reading The 60 Bulet
Paloqueth Sonic Sucking Vibrator
    Have you ever seen a toy and wondered if it would hurt or feel amazing? Because that’s what was running through my head when I first saw the Paloqueth Sonic Sucking Vibrator. I was intrigued both by the shape and the claims of intense “touch-free orgasms”. I had to have one, and… Continue reading Paloqueth Sonic Sucking Vibrator
Septimus Reviews 